Many I graduated with were younger than me, you see I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life until I was 27 at which point I began pursuing it relentlessly. I went to the local community college, then transferred to university, took extra classes I believed would be beneficial in my field and even joined 2 honor societies (I did very well in my education). I volunteered for every activity I heard of that related to my field. I wanted to be more than just a student, I wanted to be part of the community, I wanted to help people. At the same time I had a family to love and attend to, a beautiful son and a most handsome husband. Since my university and family were far apart I couldn't do everything I wanted at the university. My son enjoyed doing homework with me and my husband was (and still is) very supportive.
Now I am working on a higher degree and have been very successful in this endeavor as well. I will be finished with 24 hours in December. I anticipate finishing with summa status. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy and it can be very frustrating at times, but I keep trying to improve my skills none-the-less. Seriously. I have taken summer workshops and attended some university/community presentations relating to my field. I was reading all sorts of books about methodology and real solutions to issues within my field before returning for my higher degree.
Even though I have done all this I still have not been able to find full time employment in my field or in any related field nor have I been able to obtain minimum wage jobs...I am overqualified. So I work part time only as I am needed, which often means weeks without work. This is very frustrating to me as I started working when I was 8 caring for siblings & making dinner while my mom was at work. By 11 I had taken on extra children to care for after school. By 13 I rode the neighborhood on my bike advertising my services as a child care provider and getting more work than any 13 year old needs. I had my 1st full time job the summer I was 14. Then at 16 I began working full time while still attending high school and caring for my siblings. The point is I know work. I have always worked...until now. Now I feel great shame because I can't find a job. I feel like less of a person.
I get tired of so may people saying "get a job" when it's not that simple. In my state your best hope is a minimum wage job, as that is what our state legislature and governor have pushed for, for years. Higher pay jobs have largely been exported to other states or countries. We have no hope of seeing them return either as these same people have also cut education funding which as we all know discourages businesses. In my state we have an economy dominated by the service industry. Sure there are some higher pay jobs that haven't moved yet, but it's only a matter of time. The competition for those few jobs is fierce with an average of 300 applicants per position. Now I should take comfort in the fact that with such competition I have been interviewed well over a dozen times and made it deep into the process, but somehow that leaves me ever more frustrated. I get hopeful even excited at times, but inevitably I have been let down, my bubble burst.
I have a concern that younger folks who are in similar job situations might not yet have. I have a child. A child who will be heading off to college himself sooner than I want to admit. I worry that he will be discouraged from pursuing education as he sees my struggles. I worry about all the" what if's" involved. What if I don't have a job by then? What if I do and my loan payments are high and my income is too high for financial aid? What if, what if, what if... Some days it's all just too much, too many bills & not enough money, the worries over my husbands health, the pressure of job hunting, continuing my education, making sure my son doesn't know how close to the edge we really are, making things look normal to others and even helping extended family and friends with their problems, all I can manage to do on those days is hide and cry. Can't let those days number too many, I have too much to do, but some days the release is needed. Some days a person is just under-equipped and overwhelmed, focus is lost. A bad day doesn't mean a person has given up. When you judge a person negatively on a bad day you not only belittle them and whatever they are going through, you belittle yourself.
